Your Journey is Not Your Own

This is becoming increasingly clear to me as I walk through this adoption journey. Over and over I sense the Lord saying to me, "I know you are hurting and I hurt with you, but this is not just about you. I am at work in many ways that you cannot even begin to see or understand. Trust me."
This weekend I was at a retreat with my church up in the Rockies, not far from Winter Park, Colorado - it was BEAUTIFUL! And what a blessing. Even though it was a very tough week and I am still raw from another disappointment on this long road to motherhood, I felt I needed to go on the retreat. I am so grateful that I did. I am still processing all that happened, and will post more in the days to come, but wanted to share about my communion experience this morning.
Each year at our retreat on Sunday morning we have a "Quaker" type of communion where people kneel on pillows when ready to receive communion and then as others feel led to give you communion they come and kneel around you, give communion and then lay hands on you and pray over you. It is always an emotional, and powerful time. Today did not disappoint. When I knelt to receive communion I was surrounded by friends and those who love me. The prayer was so encouraging and powerful. There really wasn't a dry eye in the room as people prayed for Hannah to come home and for God to bring peace to my heart. I was so touched by how tearful and earnest everyone was in approaching God on my and Hannah's behalf. I was also completely surprised by how my journey has impacted others around me - my painful walk of faith has somehow been inspiring to those around me. Once again I sensed God saying to me, "this journey isn't only about you - I am using your walk in other people's lives"
WOW that is HUMBLING!

Andrew Murray

Murray says, "I am here by God's appointment, in His keeping, under His training, for His time"

The Eyes of the Lord

2 Chronicles 16:9 The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.

Lord, may that be me. I don't want to miss out on being strengthened by You. King Asa decides to take things into his own hands, rather than waiting on and relying on You and he misses out on being strengthened by You.

I am waiting on You Lord. I surrender my plan and my will, may Yours be done! See me, Lord. Strengthen me.

Obedience

I was listening to John MacArthur on the radio the other day - he isn't usually my favorite pastor - a bit too legalistic for my liking, but something he said really struck me...
"The ultimate evidence of worship is obedience"
This really resonates with me - obeying God is a sure sign of worship!

The Discipline of Silence

I've been reading Dallas Willard's excellent book The Spirit of the Disciplines - find it here.
In chapter nine he discusses the disciplines of abstinence and engagement (also described as refraining and engaging). I find the benefits of the discipline of silence to be very intriguing.

Willard writes, "How few of us live with quiet, inner confidence, and yet how many of us desire it. But such inward quiet is a great grace we can receive as we practice not talking."

Ouch! Being the "chatty Cathy" that I am, I believe this is a most necessary challenge!

No Condemnation

Romans 8:1 (Amplified Bible)
THEREFORE, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit.

This verse has always been a favorite of mine. No condemnation. That is such a wonderful pronouncement! We will not be pronounced guilty if we are in Christ.

Blessed are Those Who Wait...

Isaiah 30:18 (New International Version)
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!

I have to admit I'm not feeling very blessed right now, as I wait for a just God to show compassion and grace. I know that is His character, I believe that with all of my heart. It's just that currently my feelings betray me. Waiting....is wearing me out.

I choose to focus on who I know God to be and trust that eventually the feelings will follow and in His time I will experience His compassion and grace. In the meantime, I wait.