A Nail is Driven Out by...

I came across this quote from Erasmus in Ann Voskamp's amazing book One Thousand Gifts - a must read.
"A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit."

Striking....habit is truly overcome by habit....one habit pushing another out....one habit forcing another into recede.

That is something to ponder!

Lenten Prayer

I discovered this prayer in Lent Devotional by D. Maddalena - find it here.

It really speaks to me.....Lord hear my prayer,

Lord, I ask you for the strength to persevere, for I am weak. Help my eyes to see this world as you see it; help me to look to you when I am tempted to fear the emptiness. I choose to stand before you and wait for your comfort, and not to run from that which I fear, or run back to old habits.

Help me to find my strength in you, and to abandon thoughts of saving myself. Help me to find my comfort in you, and to reject the messages I hear every day about the fulfillment I will find in food, riches, sex, and power. God, be my strength and comfort! I need your peace ... I need you. I am making space for you in my life today: Lord meet me in the empty places I have made. Lord, draw near to me, and fill me until I overflow.

Advent Reflection - Hope

I found this Advent reflection for week one on hope and LOVED it - I want to remember it. I really resonate with the distinction the writer makes between hope and optimism. Read the whole article here.
ADVENT REFLECTION
The Christian virtue of hope is different from optimism. Optimism usually
refers to a positive outlook on life based on favorable signs. The outlook is
good. And optimism often refers to what we believe we can accomplish or
bring about through our own efforts. Christian hope is something much deeper
and more substantial than that. Saint Thomas Aquinas, the great 13th century
theologian, once spoke of hope in a very simple way. He said that hope means
“clinging to God as the source of absolute goodness.” The virtue of hope
enables us to face the reality of our lives. It allows us to address even the
difficult and disheartening aspects of life – the conflicts in our families, the
reality of illness, the pain of loss, our economy and joblessness. But hope
moves us to face those realities while clinging to God -- holding on to the
hand of God -- who is the source of absolute goodness.
The virtue of hope is for those times that don’t look very hopeful. It means an
abiding in God as the One Who knows all about us, Who is closer to us than
we are to ourselves. This is the God Who walks with us through whatever
difficulties we have to face. This is the God Who is sheer goodness and
Whose goodness will have the final word in our lives. It is this virtue of hope
– clinging to God as the source of absolute goodness – that enables us to
keep going in the present.
During the weeks of Advent before the celebration of Christmas, it would be
good if we asked the Lord to renew the gift of hope in our lives. Let us ask
Christ to help us cling more closely to Him as the Source of absolute
goodness. Advent is also a season in which we need to ask ourselves whether
we are signs of hope to others. Through what we say and do, by the way we
relate to others, do we offer hope to those who may be discouraged,
disillusioned or just overburdened by life? Do we make the effort to encourage
others during their difficult times? When people talk to us, do they come away
from that conversation with a little more hope? Do I, even in the ordinary
interactions of life, reflect a ray of the absolute goodness that God is?
As we pray together at the Eucharist, we make memory of the Lord Jesus Who
came to us once as a child and Who will come again in glory. He is the
Redeemer Who was sent by the Father because of God’s pure goodness. As we
receive Christ in the Eucharist, may we cling to Him each day and become a
more luminous sign of hope to the world.

Psalm 19

Psalm 19[a]
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
4 Yet their voice[b] goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
5 It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.

7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
and all of them are righteous.

10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
11 By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
12 But who can discern their own errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

AMEN and AMEN! I want to memorize this Psalm

Think Biblically

I was listening to a Chuck Swindoll podcast tonight. He was preaching on Romans 12:1-2 - God has been challenging me with this passage lately - so I was anxious to hear his thoughts on the passage. He defines transformation as:
Transformation is a deliberate determination to think Biblically and act accordingly!
WOW - Lord, let me live that way!
He says that Romans 12:1-2 contains cooperative commands - it requires something of us and we must rely on the Holy Spirit to make it happen.

A New Thing

Tonight I spent some time with my dear friend, Lesa. She is a gem and I feel so blessed to call her friend. She is one of those friends who doesn't need to hurry me through whatever state I'm in - stressed, sad, happy, excited, fearful - no matter - she will listen and be there with me.
Along this road to adoption, I've experienced so many disappointments, bumps and bruises - and some wonderful high points as well. As I inch ever closer to getting my little Lovebug home, I find myself expecting the worst - bracing myself for more disappointment. I've moved into this space of catastrophizing....UGH!
I was reading on my firend Alan's blog tonight about repentance and he posted these verses from Isaiah...
Isaiah 43:18-21 (New International Version, ©2010)

18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
20 The wild animals honor me,
the jackals and the owls,
because I provide water in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen,
21 the people I formed for myself
that they may proclaim my praise.

Oh, how these verses are a balm to my weary soul! Lord, how I need to foget the former things, choosing not to dwell on the past and instead focus on this new thing you are doing in my life...you are the provider of water and streams in a very dry place in my life. I proclaim your praise!

Renunciation and Reliance

I've been reading "The Discipline of Grace" by Jerry Bridges. I am really resonating and finding myself both convicted and encouraged by his thoughts on our daily need for the gospel of grace.
On page 50 he gives a definition of faith.
"Faith itself has no merit: in fact, by its nature, it is self emptying. It involves our complete renunciation of any confidence in our own righteousness and a relying entirely on the perfect righteousness and death of Jesus Christ."
Renunciation and reliance...that is an amazing definition of faith. He goes on to say that, "faith in Christ and a reliance on ourselves, even to the smallest degree, are mutually exclusive."
How does one live this out? A daily renouncing of my own goodness, that I have anything to offer and a relying entirely on Jesus Christ. I want to pursue that.

Seraphim

Tonight, as I was driving home from the airport, I was listening to Pastor David Jeremiah on the radio. I hadn't heard him before. He was speaking about angels - specifically about the Seraphim, described in Isaiah 6.
Isaiah writes,
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
The pastor described the wings of the Seraphim and explained that four of their six wings were used for worship - to cover their faces and feet in worship of the Lord. And two of their wings were for work - for flying. He observed that we ought to follow their lead and use 2/3rds of our energy for worship and only 1/3 for work - he remarked that we often have this backward and that leads to all kinds of trouble.
Hmmmmmm.....that's convicting!

Hearing the Whispers of God

We spent the weekend just outside of Winter Park in the beautiful Rockies! It was our family retreat weekend with church and the theme for the weekend was "hearing the whispers of God" Here are a few meaningful quotes and insights.

Brother Lawrence - The Practice of the Presence of God
"There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God. Those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it; yet I do not advise you do to do it from that motive. It is not the pleasure which we ought to seek in this exercise; but let us do it from a principle of love and because God would have us"

Thomas a Kempis
"When Jesus is near, all is well and nothing seems difficult. When He is absent, all is hard. When Jesus does not speak within, all other comfort is empty, but if He says only a word it brings great consolation."

Dallas Willard Hearing God: Developing a Conversational Relationship with God
"God wants to bring us beyond the point where we need signs to discern His guiding hand....When Christ's abiding presence becomes our guide, then guidance becomes an almost unconscious response to the gently moving of His Holy Spirit within us."

Bill Hybels - from his teaching videos on this topic
"God is both transcendent and imminent."

The Cost of Non-Discipleship

I came across this quote from Dallas Willard (quoted in my Renovare devotional from Willard’s The Spirit of the Disciplines page 263) about the cost of non-discipleship. Wow - this really resonates!
The cost of nondiscipleship, on the other hand (as opposed to the cost of discipleship) is the life we sacrifice if we pursue our self-centered, narcissistic ways. As Dallas Willard puts it, “the cost of nondiscipleship is far greater – even when this [earthly] life alone is considered - than the price paid to walk with Jesus. Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God’s overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring (John 10:10)” The cost of nondiscipleship is the cost of not living our lives from Jesus, choosing this life of worldly insecurity instead of living the life of eternal security that begins the moment we submit ourselves to the life Jesus Christ has waiting for us……Nondiscipleship costs us “the life that really is life” (1 Tim. 6:19b)

Buy the Renovare Devotional here

Buy Dallas Willard's Spirit of the Disciplines here

A Banner Year

In early January, my pastor and dear friend, Mike, sensed God saying that this would be a banner year for our community! He has continued to have that sense throughout this year. I was reflecting on my last post and realizing that even though this year hasn't been the "banner year" I would have dreamed of - it has, indeed, been a banner year!
It's just like God to surprise us! To provide a banner year in unexpected ways. If you would have asked me what my hopes were for a banner year back in January, it would have gone something like this - my sweet Hannah would be home with me in early Spring and I would have spent the Spring and Summer bonding with her - enjoying being a mom. This type of banner year did not materialize for me - God had other plans.
Here's a few highlights from the type of banner year He had in mind for me...

• I had the privilege of being foster parent to two sweet little girls for the month of January
• In March, when it became clear that adoptions would not resume anytime soon, God put it on my hear to pray that Hannah's family would return for her so that she would not miss anymore of her childhood in an orphanage and that she would not have to be moved to the older kids orphanage on her 4th birthday in July.
• In May I received that call that distant relatives had returned for sweet Hannah and she had gone to live with them as her forever family. I rejoiced in the answered prayer and sobbed over my own personal loss - I really wanted to be her mama!
• In May I had the opportunity to spend 4 days with my dear friend, Elisabeth, hanging out in Virginia Beach - God was near.
• In June I spent a wonderful long weekend with two dear friends in San Diego - as I mentioned in my last post - letting life "unfold" - what a wonderful place of rest!
• In July I served with WOTH for a week - ministering to missionaries home on furlough! An amazing privilege! I will never forget it and hope to serve with them again!
• Throughout these months I have learned to be "more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him" (see Phil. 3:10)
• I have learned to more "fully rely on Him" (see 2 Cor. 1:8-9)
• I have clung to the truth of who I know Him to be in spite of my circumstances which would lead me to believe otherwise! (see the packet of verses on 4x6 index cards that I now carry everywhere with me)
• I have experienced a community that fully accepts, loves and supports me even when they don't quite get what God might be up to in my life!

And these are just a few of the ways it's been a banner year - plus....the year isn't over yet! How has it been a banner year for you? Leave me a comment - I'd love to hear!

An Amazing Summer

Tonight, as I swam laps outside - only a few more days to do this :( - I was thinking about what an amazing summer it has been. I have many things to be grateful for.
It started off in early May as I took a trip to visit a dear friend near Virginia Beach. I had several opportunities to sit on the beach for extended times with the Lord. Praying, listening, reading, writing, considering all that He has been doing in and through me this past year. It was very refreshing. I didn't so much hear specific directions, which I admit I was hoping to hear, instead I heard words of comfort and peace and acceptance - I sensed I just needed to rest - Matt. 11:28-30.
In June, I had the opportunity to spend a long weekend with two dear friends from Seminary days at a condo, on Pacific Beach, in San Diego. I absolutely love both of these women - they love Jesus, they are real, they are single and know what that path is like, neither has kiddos and both know the pain and the joy of that. It was good to just be with them and, as dear Delene says, "let it unfold". I felt refreshed and encouraged. We laughed, swam, enjoyed a few margaritas and rested.
In July, I was privileged to serve with Women of the Harvest on their Furlough Retreat. It was one of those experiences that I find myself saying "Lord, THANK YOU that I didn't miss it!" It started out as a commitment to serve as a counselor for missionaries who are home on furlough and before it was over I was the worship leader and a small group leader as well. In my mind, it was too big a task (and it was, for me, but not for God) and I have to admit I thought about saying "no", but I am so very grateful that the Lord didn't let that happen, because I treasured each of the roles I had the opportunity to play as much as the I treasured the women that I had the chance to get to know.
August has been a blur - lots of swimming outside (I LOVE, LOVE LOVE THAT!) and dossier prep for my third try at International Adoption.
Abba, thank you for the many gifts of your presence this summer in such varied ways!

Testimony

This summer I will be volunteering at a retreat for missionary women. One of the questions on the application asked me to share my testimony. I rather liked how it turned out so I thought I'd share it here...
I remember asking Jesus into my heart when I was five years old. It is a very sweet memory. I was in the laundry room, of all places, with my grandma and my mom and I remember telling them that I wanted Jesus to live in my heart. I grew up in a Christian family, attending church, being a part of youth groups, attending Awana and learning lots of memory verses. During high school, I put my Bible and Jesus on a shelf while I pursued all the things that many teens find exciting. In college I rediscovered my faith and it became my own and more than “religion” I developed a relationship with Jesus. Ever since that time I have pursued Him – at times more passionately than others. Without Jesus I would be horribly lost and hopeless! He is my reason for living! My life verse is Phil. 3:10 (I love the Amplified Bible’s translation) “For my determined purpose is that I may know Him. That I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving, recognizing and understand the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly.”

More Verses

Here is another verse that I've committed to memory. It hits me between the eyes every time I say it out loud!

1 Cor. 1:8-9 NLT
We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But, as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.


I know my suffering has never been anything like what Paul experienced. But I pray that the little suffering I am experiencing will produce the same outcome that Paul experienced! That I will learn to stop relying on myself - my "wisdom", my ways of doing things, my effort - or lack thereof - and instead rely fully on God who raises the dead.

Verses I am memorizing

I realized over the past couple of weeks that I have been caught up in what Joyce Meyer's refers to as "stinking thinking"! PU!
So in an effort to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" 2Cor. 10:5 I am memorizing Scripture. Here are two of my favorites!

Colossians 3:12-17
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom and as you sing songs and hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do in word or deed do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Romans 5:3-5
And not only this, but also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation bring about perseverance; and perseverance brings about proven character; and proven character, hope and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Amen!

Way Closing

There is a Quaker tradition/belief that closed doors in one's life can often be more telling/guiding than open doors - that is of course if one will pay attention. That is definitely where I am at right now. There are many recently closed doors in my life and I find myself waiting for a new door to open. I'm trying to pay attention to what the closed doors have to say about my life and what I might have to learn from the "way closing". It's easier to look for and pursue doors that might be opening, but I have to admit I am intrigued by what the closed doors may have to say.

Favorite Quotes

One of my favorite quotes is from Richard Baxter - a reformed pastor from the 17th century. He says...

"In necessary things, unity;
In doubtful things, liberty;
In ALL things, charity."

I think this is such a wonderful perspective and one which the modern day church needs to remember.

Still Waiting to Grab On

I just read my last post and I can't believe it's been almost two months....and I'm still waiting to grab on to whatever this new thing is....nothing is clear....it's so hard not knowing what to do next. But I'm still praying and waiting.

Letting Go to Grab On

OK - I know that sounds confusing, but that seems to be a theme for me right now. I sense I am being called to let go of one aspect of my career life. And I have heard the comment a number of times lately, in a few different contexts, that sometimes we have to let go of something so that we can grab hold of something else. The thing is I'm not certain what the thing is I am to grab hold of as I let go of this other thing.....so once again I am in limbo! That seems to be another theme in my life - living in limbo - hmmmm that would make a good book title! Sadly, I could likely fill the pages drawing from personal experience of late.

Living in the suspended space between letting go and grabbing on. A bit like free falling. And yet, I am certain that in that space in between, Jesus is present and it is His love for me that holds me up and keeps me from free falling. I just need to hold onto Him.

An Anniversary

Six years ago today my mom went home to be with the Lord! A celebration for her! A day of sadness for those of us who knew and loved her well! She was an amazing lady! I miss her terribly! Her love and devotion for Jesus was contagious and inspiring!

I miss you Mom!

It's been a really hard day - one loss tends to bring up another - another year with no child of my own to love - no opportunity to be the kind of mom to a kiddo that I had growing up.

Trying to cling to Him! Jesus, the lover of my soul!